The Hellbound Heart (Clive Barker, 1986);
Hellraiser (1987);
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988);
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002);
Clive Barker's Hellraiser (Boom! Studios, 2011, ongoing)
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(Pictured: The most important character in the Hellraiser franchise.
Also pictured: Pinhead.) |
Some franchises are worth more attention than others. For instance, I might well return to
Godzilla. Maybe watching thirty-five of them might be a step too far, although I've watched an even dozen of them, so never underestimate my capacity for obsession. And I do fully intend to return to
Planet of the Apes, I promise, I promise, honest. But I've never before felt the need to go into all ten of the
Hellraiser films.
Years ago I watched the first three of them back to back, and I felt that the first one, the only one written and directed by creator Clive Barker, was good for what it was (and if that sounds a little bit like I'm damning it with faint praise, that's because I am), and that the curse of diminishing returns set in quickly, not so much a drop of quality as a vertiginous plummet, somewhere around the onset of
Hellbound's stupid, hokey final third. As for
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), you know you're on to a loser when you've already lost sight of who your iconic monster is and what he does. The point is, the nine
Hellraiser sequels, most of which do not have the participation of Clive Barker, are generally so bad – and bad in a specific way, the worst possible way for a horror film, because they’re just
pedestrian – that the value of sitting through all of them is negligible.
Hellraiser: Revelations (
Hellraiser IX) was reportedly only made so that Dimension films wouldn’t lose the rights to the franchise, and it was so lazily done that they couldn’t even get Doug “damned to be Pinhead forever” Bradley to do it. So why then would I decide to do not just
Hellraiser and
Hellbound (to be fair, most fans sort of like this one) but
Hellseeker (or, to you,
Hellraiser VI)? Why should I care about the Boom! Studios comics and and not the late 80s/early 90s Epic comics (which were actually really good, as opposed to the recent ones, which aren’t)? Why this particular selection of media?
Easy: they’re the parts of the franchise which share a protagonist. They all feature the most important character in the
Hellraiser series. Not Pinhead – he’s barely even a character. No, mate, I’m talking about Kirsty Cotton. The access point to all of this is Kirsty.
Spoilers for books, comics and films abound. But no tears, please. It’s such a waste of good suffering.